


Rehearsal

by Freshnonsense42



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire (Teen Wolf), Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, M/M, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Snakes, i don't even describe the snake except his personality, just mentioned, this is the hill i will die on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-23 19:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20345194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freshnonsense42/pseuds/Freshnonsense42
Summary: Admittedly, Stiles should not have brought his pet boa constrictor to the hotel where his wedding rehearsal and wedding were taking place. But he hadn't expected Bruce to run away!Derek, Stiles's fiancé he barely knows, joins his one man search party.Maybe he doesn't hate Stiles as much as Stiles had assumed.





	Rehearsal

**Author's Note:**

> I made Allison a werewolf because I thought 'why not'. It's not relevant to the plot, but in this world hunters are like the KKK. Which means they aren't labeled a terrorist organization, but they definitely are that.

There was no need to panic.

In fact panicking was the exact wrong thing to do. Panic was what the enemy wanted him to do.

His brain was probably not supposed to be the enemy, but, well. Some things were just fact.Things like: Stiles’s brain _hated_ him. 

Why else would it nag at him until he was convinced Bruce couldn’t be left alone? Like, sure, his dad would _try_ to take care of Bruce and it would only be for a few days. But it would not be with same quality of care Stiles provided. Bruce and Stiles were bros!

The fact that Stiles was getting married had already strained their relationship. Bruce was trying to be strong, but that was only more reason not to abandon him! Not even for a wedding and honeymoon.

It’s not like Stiles even wanted a honeymoon. What were he and Derek going to do? Have sex? Yeah, right! Derek had made it abundantly clear that Stiles was worse than the dirt on Derek’s shoes. Which, whatever. It wasn’t like they were marrying for love. Although, Stiles had hoped they could at least be bros.

Derek’s grumpy attitude just proved how important it was to be good to Bruce. He needed allies in his new life as a Hale. Except Bruce was being a _dick_ and hiding. Like there were’t a million places in Triskelion Hotel for a boa constrictor to hide.

Who had their wedding in their family’s hotel? They should have gone to the court house for a shotgun wedding. But a Hale marrying a Stilinski was supposed to be a Statement. _That_ was why Derek agreed to marry him. A werewolf married to the son of a well-respected Sheriff? It was good publicity, which the Hales desperately needed.

There were whispers about the imminently respectable Hale family being anti-human. Bullshit, but humans panicked over werewolves all the time.

And, whatever, the Hales had had some trouble with human deaths. It wasn’t anything _malicious_. 

At sixteen Derek’s girlfriend, Paige, accepted the Bite and it hadn’t taken. That was a normal risk. She’d signed a release, the same way you do before surgery at the hospital. But Derek had been the actual cause of death when he put her out of her misery. Again, very legal. People still freak that he has blue eyes.

Laura’s husband had died in a car accident. Tragic and unsuspicious. Unless you were horny for internet conspiracy! Rumors spread that after he’d refused the Bite he’d been killed. Mega bullshit! Because Stiles knew Laura, had been to Michael’s funeral, you can’t fake that devastation. She had had two small children and a broken heart. So everyone, in Stiles’s opinion, who thought Michael had been murdered could fuck off. 

It hadn’t helped matters when five years later Laura married Allison Argent. Allison was from a family of supernatural vigilantes, with special focus on werewolves. A feral alpha had bitten Allison against her will. She had broken ties with everyone in her family, except her father, and gotten help from the Hales. Allison and Laura fell in love. Which was suspicious if you were an asshole on the internet.

Then there was Peter’s human wife. She had been murdered by Allison’s psycho aunt two years ago. Internet rumors decided it made more sense that the Hale family had _hired_ Kate Argent. As though Peter didn’t have a full mental breakdown complete with a murder spree. To be fair, he only killed Kate Argent and her fellow extremists. That didn’t really soothe public opinion, though. Peter was doing much better mentally, but was still institutionalized.

All those deaths mixed with the fact that the last five people accepted into the Hale Pack accepted the Bite, didn’t look great. It made humans wary. It made werewolves who viewed humans as an inferior species look to the Hale’s for leadership. In a fit of desperation, Talia, Alpha Hale, had approached Sheriff Stilinski with an offer.

Stiles’s hot human ass would marry Derek in exchange for cold hard cash.

John had not said no. He had said fuck no.

His dad, Stiles knew, was too sentimental about Stiles’s romantic life. Stiles was not

Because the harsh truth was the Stilinski’s were poor. They were ‘living paycheck to paycheck, will this month be the one they lose the house’ poor. They had never recovered from paying for the treatment of his mom’s longterm illness.

John was the sheriff, but if he didn’t retire soon, then he’d be retired. Then what? He’d work private security? No way. Stiles would not have his dad working until he was physically incapable of it.

So, Stiles went to Talia on his own and said fuck yes. 

Stiles agreed to never ever become a werewolf, excluding terminal illness or injuries which would lead to his death. In exchange, Derek agreed to move back to California. The first time they met, Derek glared at him and did not say a single word. So Stiles babbled like an idiot for five straight minutes. 

When Stiles finally paused to gasp for air, Derek had raised his perfect brows and grunted, “You done?” _Grunted_. 

Stiles had done the mature thing and fled. Then he avoided Derek, which was easy. The fact that Derek was clearly also avoiding him was not something Stiles allowed himself to focus on.

Instead he snuck Bruce into the Triskelion and _lost_ him.

No!

This was not Stiles’s fault. This was Bruce’s fault. The _traitor_.

“What are you doing?”

Stiles banged his head against the underside of the table. “Fuck. Dude, seriously? You’re a werewolf not a cat.”

When Stiles crawled out from underneath one of the dining room tables, which hid an air vent under it, which Bruce had better not be in, Derek’s face spasmed with disbelief. Stiles wondered if Derek was unused to showing all emotions or just the ones Stiles inspired. Annoyance, anger, frustration, disbelief, disgust, etc. and so on. 

Derek sighed. “What?”

“You sneak around noiselessly like some sort of ninja cat hybrid. I will absolutely watch your movie, but dude, wear a bell.”

“Stiles.” Derek’s eyebrows furrowed and his jaw ticked. He packed as much weight in a single word as he would a punch to the face.

“I’m just saying. You’re gonna give me a heart attack.” Stiles scrambled to his feet and brushed off his suit covered knees. It was only the rehearsal tonight, but everyone had insisted Stiles wear a suit. “You could at least get a herald to announce you.”

“What?”

“Now entering Derek Andrew Hale, of the Hale Pack and Triskelion Hotel empire.” Stile threw his arms out grandly. Derek stared at him like a bewildered kitten. _God_, did this guy even know how annoyingly adorable he was? Asshole werewolves were not supposed to be adorable. 

He dropped his arms to his sides. “Well, it would save me a lot of stress.”

Derek narrowed his eyes, switching from adorable to sexily suspicious. That’s how burning hot Stiles’s fiancé was, he made Stiles use words like _sexily_. “Are you trying to deflect?”

Stiles gripped his chest, pantomiming offense. “What?”

“Why were you under the table?”

“I wasn’t.” Fuck. “Nothing.” Derek moved towards the table so Stiles blocked his path. With his feeble human body. God, it would almost be worth it to be murdered by someone this hot. Was that weird? That was weird. “What were _you_ doing under the table?”

“Are you high?”

“I wish. It would make this so much easier.” Derek raised one elegantly sculpted brow. Stiles scoffed. “Not this,” he gestured between himself and Derek, “this,” he gestured between himself and the table.

“What are you doing?” Growling werewolves were _not_ hot. No matter what Stiles’s libido claimed. 

There was no way around this. Derek had caught him in the act of searching for his snake. Stiles couldn’t think of a half-truth good enough to avoid lie-detection.

His shoulders sagged. Derek was going to hate him so much more and they weren’t even married yet. How could Stiles already being screwing everything up?

“Be cool about this. Please?” Derek’s face may as well have been carved out of marble. “Ok. I’m looking for Bruce.”

“Bruce?”

“I know I wasn’t supposed to bring him. But he gets separation anxiety, dude. Or I get it. One of us definitely does. Can you blame us though?” He widened his eyes because Lydia had told him once that doe eyes were his best chance at convincing strangers he was innocent.

Derek’s face darkened, so doe eyes must not work on him. Stiles took a step back and he followed. Their faces were only inches apart and Derek was wrinkling Stiles’s dress shirt where he gripped it. “You brought your boyfriend to our wedding rehearsal?”

“I _did_,” asked Stiles because he was a dumbass. And then, because his brain still hated him, he added, “Is he hot?”

“Where is Bruce?”

“Bruce?”

“Your boyfriend?”

“My boa constrictor.”

“What?”

“Bruce is my boa constrictor. He’s an old man, but wily. He must’ve gotten bored in my room. Which is bullshit because the suite your mom gave me is bigger than my bedroom at home. Anyway, when I realized Bruce was gone I started a one man search party. I’m trying to keep it quiet because people get weird about snakes.”

During Stiles’s speech Derek’s grip on his shirt slackened until it was nothing more than show. He was back to bewildered kitten. And, really, Stiles should get credit for not booping his nose. 

“You… let a snake loose in my family’s hotel?”

“‘Let’ seems like a strong”-

“Stiles!” Derek shook him. “We have to find _Bruce_.”

“Duh.”

Derek growled again. Still super not hot. “You search here. I’ll look in the employee only areas.”

“OK.” Stiles grabbed Derek’s wrist before he could leave. It didn’t actually stop him, it just alerted him that Stiles was touching him. He paused though and shot Stiles a look which was a cross between questioning and irritated. “You can’t tell my dad.”

Derek rolled his eyes. “_How_ old are you?”

“Oh. Big guy’s got jokes. Yeah, OK. Let’s tell your mom about what happened at your bachelor party.”

“I didn’t have a bachelor party.”

“Me neither. How lame is that?”

“Find. The. Snake.”

Then Derek stormed out of the dining hall like a brooding romance hero on a mission. Stiles did not swoon over That Ass. He ogled it a little, but that’s it.

Several hours later Bruce was still M.I.A. What were they going to do? If Bruce stayed hidden, no fuss no muss. They could find him later. But if he didn’t hide and a guest saw him? If he went into a guest’s _room_?

Who would kill Stiles first? His own father or Talia.

At least Talia would make it quick and painless.

He was debating the pros and cons of staying vs running away when his cell rang. Unknown number. Stiles sent it to voicemail because fuck robocallers.

The number called back immediately. Twice. Stiles answered it because even robocallers deserved a reward for dedication.

“Yo.”

“_That’s_ how you answer the phone? Are you a twenty year old frat bro?”

“Derek?”

“Come up to your suite.”

“Did you find Bruce?” Derek had already hung up. Grumpy… Gus. Nope. Stiles could do better than that.

In the lobby Stiles ran into Lydia, and he wished that was figurative. Lydia kept her balance, because she was _Lydia_, but Stiles fell on his ass.

She smoothed out her dress and glared at him. “What are you doing?”

“Meeting Derek for an assignation.” She scoffed, which was _rude_. “Hey! I'm hot stuff.”

“And a disaster.” Stiles squawked indignantly, but it was more for show than anything else. Lydia held out a hand to help him up, which really just proved that he was her BFF. Other than Allison. And maybe Laura. And however she classified her connection to Jackson. “This morning you said Derekhated you and you would never put out.”

“I didn’t _mean_ it. You’ve seen Derek.” Which reminded him. He flailed away from Lydia. “Never mind. I gotta go. You’re gorgeous and I love you.”

“Stiles!” He ran for the open elevator doors. “The rehearsal starts in ten minutes.”

“It’s called a quickie.” He turned with a shit eating grin only to see Talia Hale raise a brow at him. The elevator doors shut on her questioning face. “Oh fuck. I’m a dead man.” The woman in the elevator with him didn’t look up from her phone. Stiles wanted to be _her_ best friend forever.

Stiles barged into his suite and announced, “Your mom thinks we’re having sex!”

Derek sat at the dining room table with Bruce draped leisurely around his shoulders and wrapped around one arm. Derek’s ears turned fire engine red and he snapped, “What?”

“Bruce!” Stiles crossed the room to take him away from Derek. “You bastard child. You weren’t supposed to run away from me today. Talk about emotional support, buddy.”

“Stiles. What did you mean? About my mom?”

“It’s not my fault. OK, it’s definitely my fault, but it was an accident. Anyway, it’s fine. She’ll smell that nothing happened.”

“It’s rude to smell things like that without consent.”

Stiles paused in the act of putting Bruce back in his tank. It had been a bitch to sneak in, but Stiles was nothing if not persistent. “Dude. Can you control what you smell? Or does your brain naturally filter excess scents and you have to concentrate to pick up on them? Is it like when people live near train tracks? They eventually block the noise out? Humans don’t smell their own scent, even ones other humans smell, because it’s so prevalent. Is it similar for werewolves?”

He choked out the final word because what the fuck? Did he always have to word vomit at people? Couldn’t he once, just _once_, not annoy the shit out of someone with his monologuing? Stiles pressed his mouth firmly together and watched a silent Derek warily. 

Derek released a heavy sigh. “You know other werewolves. Why haven’t you asked any of them?”

“I dunno.” Stiles left Bruce’s tank so he could sit across from Derek. He fiddled with the rolled sleeve of his shirt and wondered where his suit jacket was. “Most people tell me to shut-up after the first question.”

Derek kept quiet, but Stiles couldn’t bear to look at him. To see the regret that _Stiles_ would be his life partner. Or the annoyance that Stiles could never keep his mouth shut. Or the residual fury over the idea of him and Derek having sex. 

Which was all _fine_. They were marrying for money and PR. It didn’t matter if Derek hated him. Whatever. Stiles had his friends, his dad, his research, and Bruce. So what if his husband found him annoying? Stiles found _himself_ annoying half the time. 

“Why do you have a snake, Stiles?”

Derek should record bedtime stories with his voice soft and gentle like that. Stiles lifted his eyes to meet Derek’s gaze. There was nothing sharp or judgmental in Derek at the moment. It took Stiles’s breath away.

“After my mom died my therapist recommended an emotional support dog. I got Bruce instead.”

Derek smiled and Stiles thought that maybe this thing wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe if Derek could tolerate him for long enough Stiles could inveigle his way into being bros with him. They had to keep up appearances for the public anyway. May as well do that as buds rather than enemies.

Then Derek’s phone buzzed. His face darkened as he read the text then turned his glare on Stiles. “Why is my mom asking if we’re done having sex? What did you do?”

“I told you it was an accident!”

“I thought you were kidding.”

“Why would I joke about that?” Derek flashed his eyes at Stiles, which was just as un-hot as growling. Seriously. Stiles held his hands up in surrender. “Dude, it’s not like I wanted her to hear the joke. She just popped up at the wrong time. Anyway, she’s just teasing you. There’s no way she thinks _you_ would ever fuck _me_.”

Derek stared at him, mouth parted slightly to reveal his bunny teeth, not that Stiles noticed. Or cared. Who even knew if Derek had teeth at all? “We’re getting married tomorrow.”

It took a moment for Stiles to pull his attention away from Derek’s teeth - not that he _cared_ \- to focus on his words. He shrugged. “It’s an arranged marriage. It’s OK, dude. I know you don’t like me.”

Derek’s eyebrows snapped together and his mouth pursed. God, was it possible to find something terrifying, sexy, and adorable all at once? Was there a word for that? Terrixyble? Adifexy? Sexdorterror? Wait. What? 

“Why do you think I don’t like you?”

“Uh, cause you always look like you want to murder me.”

Derek leaned back in his chair and crossed is arms. He glared at the table for a few moments, and Stiles let him have his moment. It helped that he could stare at Derek’s cheeks and cheekbones. Stiles wanted to lick them, which… what? He also wanted to nuzzle against one, but that was even more dangerous. Jesus Christ, he was never allowed to be alone with Derek again.

“Laura says I have resting serial killer face.” This soft spoken announcement was so unexpected that Stiles burst into laughter. Derek kicked at his shin. “It’s not funny,” he growled. That made Stiles laugh so hard he fell off his chair. “Will you _shut-up_! I’m gonna start hating you in a second!”

Stiles calmed down, partly because he worried that was a threat and partly because the voice in his head that was always reminding him he was being annoying was shouting at him. He laid on his back and beamed up at Derek. “Dude, you don’t hate me.” Derek rolled his eyes. “Hey! OK, big guy, if that’s true then how come you’ve been avoiding me?”

“You’ve been avoiding me. I thought _you_ didn’t like _me_.”

“Don’t fish for compliments. You know you’re sexy and have heard it a bazillion times probably. Even if you had the personality of a brick wall I’d be into you. But! You don’t. You’re a history professor, which, in addition to being hotter than the sun, is awesome! I’ve been reading your published stuff since we got engaged. You’re amazing! Interesting, informative, _funny_, which is not easy to pull off gracefully in non-fiction, and creative. You aren’t just going off about WWII and George Washington. You’ve got cards up your sleeves. You’ve got all the crazy, unbelievable bullshit that’s happened throughout history in your deck. I bet you’d be good as a consultant for, like, _Horrible Histories_ or something. Why wouldn’t I like you?”

Derek had been staring at him with increasingly red ears during Stiles’s speech. At his last question, though Derek dropped his eyes to the floor. Stiles scooted across until he was in Derek’s line of sight and raised his brows. 

“I… I have blue eyes.”

The look of pure anguish on Derek’s normally stoney face was like a punch to the gut. Stiles pushed himself onto his knees and got in his face. “I knew that when I agreed to marry you.”

“It’s different. Seeing them.” Derek looked away again.

“I like you more because they’re blue.” Derek snarled at him, which was maybe fair. Stiles flinched away even though he wasn’t _really_ afraid. It was like someone snapping in front of his face. Duh, he was gonna flinch. He held up his hands in surrender anyway. “I just- it means you have compassion.”

“It means I murdered an innocent.”

“It means you didn’t want someone you loved suffering more than she had to.” Derek twisted his body away from Stiles and huffed. He hesitated for a moment because he and Derek didn’t actually know each other that well. In the end he said, “I’ve read about what happens to people who reject the Bite. They’re in excruciating pain for hours. I like your blue eyes.” He let that sink in for a quiet second then added, “It’s your resting serial killer face that could use work.”

One corner of Derek’s mouth turned up, but he still didn’t look at Stiles. That was fine. Stiles pushed himself off the ground and sat in the seat across from Derek again. They were probably horrendously late for the rehearsal, but he thought it was owed to them.

Then Derek sucked in a breath and made eye contact with Stiles. “I asked for it to be you.”

“What?”

“I- we needed me to marry someone. Laura and Allison talked about you. You seemed nice and…” Derek trailed off and traced a circle on the table top.

“Sexy,” offered Stiles, unable to resist self-deprecation.

Derek scowled. “You don’t have to be mean.”

Mean? “Holy shit. Do you actually think I’m hot?”

“Shut-up.” Derek’s ears were so red the color had spread to his cheeks. “That wasn’t important. I just wanted someone I thought I could get along with.”

“And you thought you could get along with _me_?”

Derek glanced around the room with his eyebrows raised. “I thought we were.”

“We were! Are!” Stiles shouted because holy shit. If he had the chance to fall in love with Derek then he was gonna fucking take it. “Sorry. I just didn’t expect this. This is awesome.”

“So, you’ll stop avoiding me?” Derek’s shoulders were hunched forward like he was trying to make himself smaller. Non-threatening. As though Stiles could ever be _threatened_ by this _teddy bear_ ever again. Fuck that noise. Stiles needed to protect Derek from the rest of the world because, apparently, they were assholes to him. That was not cool.

“Yeah. I’m not even gonna ask you to stop glaring at me. It kinda does it for me.”

“Stiles,” scolded Derek, but he relaxed. “We haven’t even been on a date.”

“We’re getting _married_. But don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll totally date you.” Derek’s eyes widened and his mouth parted, his bunny teeth peeking out again. After a moment of stunned silence Stiles breathed, “Holy shit.”

“No!” Derek jerked to his feet fast enough that he knocked against the table. “We should go.”

Stiles stumbled after him. “Endearments do it for you, big guy? Wait, does _that_ do it for you? Or are you a purist? Honey, darling, dear”-

“Shut-up.” Derek hit the elevator button while he ground his teeth. Was it weird that Stiles was into irritating Derek? Or was that a good sign?

“Don’t be like that, sugar bum-bum.”

“Oh my god.”

“I bet if I were a werewolf I’d be smellin’ some interesting stuff, huh, pudding cup?”

“I hate you.”

Stiles threw his arm around Derek’s shoulder, because once you admitted to the weakness of liking him, Stiles never let you go. He beamed at him as Derek glowered back. “Oh c’mon, sourwolf. You know you love it.”

Derek stared at him, his face smoothing out into a blank mask. For one panicked moment Stiles thought he’d pushed him too far. That the tentative thing between would crumble before it even began. 

Then Derek cupped Stiles’s cheek and leaned forward. 

The elevator doors pinged open so that the entire wedding party witnessed their make-out session. Derek’s face was cherry red as he put as much distance between them as possible in an elevator.

After a pregnant pause Scott said, “_Dude_. You’re supposed to rehearse the wedding ceremony, not the honeymoon.”

**Author's Note:**

> -Bruce is obviously named after Bruce Wayne.
> 
> -I did not research if it would be a bad sign for a boa constrictor to wrap around a person's arm. If it is, we're gonna go with Derek's werewolf strength means Bruce physically could not squeeze him hard enough to harm him. If he can turn into a wolf, he can survive a boa constrictor.
> 
> -Derek did see a picture of Stiles and immediately think 'oh no, he's hot'.
> 
> -Derek loves endearments because he's a gentle boy who just wants someone to hold him. In every universe. Someone hug him!
> 
> -I have seen the first four episodes of teen wolf. Progress, guys.


End file.
